I’ll Take Things You Find in a Restaurant Restroom for $1000 Alex . . .

mouthwashI got this. I’m going for the win in bathroom Jeopardy. What is mouthwash? Granted, I don’t go out much, but how did I miss the memo that taking care of personal hygiene is something you can now do over lunch at your favorite local restaurant? Not only did I feel compelled to snap a picture, but I was caught doing so by a lady I am sure is still telling the story of some creepy woman in the bathroom. I couldn’t help myself.

Did you have the garlic bread? The aromatic salmon perhaps? Or maybe you just didn’t get a chance to pick up some sample size mouthwash of your own this week. Those mints at the hostess station may not be enough to take care of that halitosis and let’s face it; you are hoping to get lucky after this culinary adventure. No worries. Take care of your business, slather on some lotion, freshen your breath and you are ready for romance.

Of course I researched this when I got home and discovered yes, this is a trend. Most establishments opt for an actual dispenser to prevent those creative types from tampering with the potion. This one however went with an empty cordial bottle complete with pour stop. I kept picturing a bunch of drunks yelling, “Free shots!” and hoped it was the alcohol free variety.

No. Just no. There is no way I am going to fill a little white cup with whatever may be in that bottle, swish it around in my mouth and spit it where? In the sink? The toilet? Return to the table with it still in my mouth and inquire about a martini glass spittoon? What is the proper etiquette for this?

I have seen dispensers for condoms, sanitary napkins and perfume/cologne. I’m from the south, and as Carrie Underwood explains in her song Before He Cheats, you never know what is going on while you are taking all that time freshening up so be aware:

Right now, he’s probably dabbing on
3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo
Ohhhhhhhhhhh, and he don’t know…
That I dug my key into the side
of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive.

This wasn’t at the local honky tonk however. It was a lovely waterfront restaurant where a gourmet grilled cheese and cup of soup sets you back $14.

Maybe it’s just me. Others may consider it a lovely gesture that shows this place really cares about you and goes the extra mile to assist with your dry skin and your funky breath.

Next time, I’m wearing my robe to brunch and asking for some soap on a rope to go with my lobster frittata. I’m thinking that the shared deodorant stick may take a bit longer to catch on though.

Seriously, this may revolutionize multitasking. In fact, I think they should expand the services offered in the restroom. An ATM machine would come in handy; also a quick massage, pedi and haircut would be fabulous. How about potty training for the kids? Perhaps a vending machine with jello shots to help you overcome nervousness, yet continue to delicately sip on your glass of Pinot Noir when you return to the table. A slab of chocolate cake so I can pretend that salad I ordered is my usual fare would also be greatly appreciated.

Tell me–what freebies and pay per use items have you seen available in the restaurant restroom? Would you gargle with glee or go with the traditional mint? I really want to know.



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