I’ll Take Things You Find in a Restaurant Restroom for $1000 Alex . . .

mouthwashI got this. I’m going for the win in bathroom Jeopardy. What is mouthwash? Granted, I don’t go out much, but how did I miss the memo that taking care of personal hygiene is something you can now do over lunch at your favorite local restaurant? Not only did I feel compelled to snap a picture, but I was caught doing so by a lady I am sure is still telling the story of some creepy woman in the bathroom. I couldn’t help myself.

Did you have the garlic bread? The aromatic salmon perhaps? Or maybe you just didn’t get a chance to pick up some sample size mouthwash of your own this week. Those mints at the hostess station may not be enough to take care of that halitosis and let’s face it; you are hoping to get lucky after this culinary adventure. No worries. Take care of your business, slather on some lotion, freshen your breath and you are ready for romance.

Of course I researched this when I got home and discovered yes, this is a trend. Most establishments opt for an actual dispenser to prevent those creative types from tampering with the potion. This one however went with an empty cordial bottle complete with pour stop. I kept picturing a bunch of drunks yelling, “Free shots!” and hoped it was the alcohol free variety.

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The Real Beagles of West Point–Sex Education and the Poor Decision Not to Adopt a Rock

pound hounds2A few months ago, I went somewhere I should never be allowed to go—the local animal shelter. I blame social media, as I do for so many other poor decisions in my life. Scrolling through the news feed, there she was; sweet little floppy eared Bernadette with that Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercial look.

I decided I would just browse; no promises, no commitments (I also had my eye on a cute little miniature mutt from the city named Donald Dotterson and planned to visit him next). I went alone to avoid the perpetual kid gimme syndrome.

Next thing I know, I’m on the floor of the visiting room not only filling out the paperwork for Bernadette, but also playing with her brother Raj. The rest is all a blur. I vaguely recall asking if it would be a problem that I have an unfenced yard. Apparently not since I assured them I would be perfectly happy walking TWO wild beagle puppies in freezing temperatures several times a day.

Once approved, I was adoptive pet mother in overload mode. Pet gates, matching beds, toys, treats and a laundry room redesign plan that would be fashionable, yet functional for my new babies. I had a vision. The puppies running through a field of wildflowers, playfully chasing my children until I drowned in a bucket of cuteness. Delightful paw prints and kitschy dog quotes stenciled on the wall. Loyal, constant companions who can’t talk and only require dry food from a bag. Continue reading